Information

At the core of the therapeutic process is the understanding that most psychological problems result from the defence mechanisms and deeply-held beliefs and schemas about the self and others that have developed in response to painful attachment experiences and problematic repeated interactional patterns in early relationships when growing up.

Although these defence mechanisms and beliefs usually would have had an adaptive and protective purpose for the child within their particular relationships and family dynamics in childhood, these same mechanisms and beliefs can become the problems later in our life when they no longer are adaptive or suitable to the kind of life we would like to live.

Defence mechanisms can be described as unconscious psychological, emotional, and behavioural mechanisms aimed at trying to cope with anxiety and manage the emotional distress and avoid the emotional pain we carry from early attachment relationships. Beliefs and schemas can be described as cognitive structures aimed at helping us organise information, understand ourselves and others, make sense of our experiences, and predict future events.

Painful feelings may be triggered by a recent experience so it appears to us that what has just occurred is the cause of our pain. However, in therapy, it usually becomes clear that the recent event is so painful and difficult to overcome because of the unresolved and often unknown feelings, beliefs, and schemas generated from earlier painful experiences.

The importance of relationships and attachment:

Emotional connection to others through secure attachment relationships is so important to us because relationships are a source of protection and safety and are furthermore needed for our brains to develop optimally. When our early attachment needs for love and security are met with inconsistency, disinterest, rejection, critique, or punishment, it creates complex and painful feelings and experiences in relation to the emotional distance that exist within those relationships. Attachment studies furthermore show that babies are extremely sensitive to the cues they receive about feelings from their caregivers. This means that when parents are uncomfortable with certain feelings, thoughts, and behaviours and when they react negatively to them, we pick this up and learn which behaviours, feelings, and thoughts are acceptable and can be expressed and which feelings, thoughts, and behaviours must be avoided and suppressed as they threaten the connection to our caregivers, and, thus, our sense of safety and security. Therefore, certain feelings, thoughts, and actions become associated with danger and trigger anxiety.

The connection between anxiety, feelings, and defences:

Due to the child’s dependency on early attachment figures and the central role of relationships and attachment in our lives, any thought, feeling or action that has become associated with separation from an important caregiver or with loss of their love will be perceived as dangerous and trigger anxiety and avoidance through defences in the future. Therefore, anxiety can be perceived as the body’s alarm system as it tells us that painful feelings in connection with memories have come close to our conscious awareness and that these feelings are dangerous as they are associated with the possibility of separation and loss. This is how emotions are connected to anxiety, which we unconsciously attempt to avoid experiencing by using various defences.

To protect us from experiencing this emotional pain again, defences gradually develop to suppress and repress feelings towards the attachment figures about the attachment trauma or rupture. Defences are psychological, emotional, and behavioural mechanisms that enable us to avoid the emotional pain we carry from these early relationships. In current relationships, however, these attachment urges become activated which triggers repressed feelings from the past and defensive patterns are intensified to avoid experiencing the emotional pain from the past in the present. This means that if painful feelings from the past are not faced and experienced directly, emotional pain and relationship ruptures from the past continues to have an adverse impact on our current lives and relationships

Avoidance of feelings through defences can be experienced as problems with intimacy and closeness, obsessive and ruminative thinking, minimising or forgetting events, becoming numb or detached, or displacing anger towards others. Avoiding and internalising feelings can cause depression, anxiety, pain and physical complaints that have no medical explanation, and self-sabotaging behaviours.  Therefore, these defences can end up becoming the problems in our lives as they can significantly affect our relationships, productivity, level of insight, self-esteem, and enjoyment in life.

How therapy can help:

In therapy, we work together to identify the anxiety symptoms, defences, and beliefs that prevent you from having direct access to your feelings. You are helped to see your defences and understand how they affect your life so that you can make the choice to let them go and start to experience your feelings. This process usually triggers anxiety, as the feelings that are being brought closer to your awareness are associated with pain and therefore a sense of danger.

Through therapy, you learn to regulate this anxiety so that feelings can emerge without overwhelming you. Once you are able experience your feelings from the past in the present, we can work through the thoughts, beliefs, schemas, and memories attached to these feelings, so that you can resolve your inner conflicts and experience more meaning, purpose, and enjoyment in your life.